The Truth Is(The Ties That Bind Us)
by AgentNoSmile
Summary: Sara writes to Greg, revealing the painful truth about her relationship with Grissom. A one-shot drabble. GSR related.


Dear Greg,

I'm so sorry I took so long to reply to your letter. I've kinda been avoiding it if I'm honest. Mostly because you're probably not going to like what I'm going to say. You asked me about being in a long-distance relationship and I'll always be honest with you Frisco :). I never talk about my feelings so this is a big deal. Well here goes:

Bet you're wondering why I'm not with Gil since I'm on sabbatical right? Well, he said he's too busy. Too many lectures. So here I am in Venice, waiting for my husband to choose me and not work. I guess that's a pipe dream huh? I'm thinking of going out there to surprise him but I don't want him to get irritated that I didn't listen to him. That's the problem with lack of communication; someone usually gets hurt.

I thought being in a long-distance relationship was going to be easy. I told myself that because Grissom and I loved each other that it wouldn't matter. I was so wrong Greggo. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Not seeing Gil every day just breaks my heart. I lie awake most nights just wishing his arms were around me. I wish he could go on and on about bugs so I could smile at the slightly-glazed-happy look he gets when he's excited. I feel like I don't have a husband anymore; there's no worse feeling than calling to hear your lover's voice and being met with their recorded, checked-out voice-mail. At this point it feels to me like we're falling apart, each day another layer of bricks is added to the wall that divides us.

I thought all I needed was to love him and know that he loved me back, but it's not enough. You wind up living in the past, holding on to yesterdays in essence refusing to live, for to live is to go forward without them near. When I was lying under that car in the desert, drowning and shivering do you know what I was thinking? It wasn't just 'I hope I make it through this.' It was mostly 'I wish I hadn't slept in this morning and missed him. Maybe then I could see his face more clearly in my memory. I have let him down.' I still feel that way now.

I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you that it's easy and love can withstand anything...but I owe you the truth. If you decide to go for it; I hope it's different, but England is so far away. I'd hate to see that smile falter, even for a second. You could light the damn Strip with that thing Frisco ;).

The bottom line? I miss Gil with every beat of my heart and my life is in limbo, hanging on his every letter, every call. In all honestly Greg; I'm lonely. I wish he would just come home. I want to kiss him, I want for him to hold my hand, for him to complete me again. When they leave, it kills you a little inside. I used to count the tears I cried, but they soon became infinite. You will love them always, but yearn always for them too, and that can consume you. I miss the little things like his morning routine; coffee, Sudoku, discovery channel, coffee, shower, newspaper. I remember that. I miss coming into work with him and missing him all day; turns out I didn't know what it meant to miss him at all. Now I do, and I just want to catch a plane to Paris and never look back but I know that I can't. I left another message four hours ago and I'm still staring at the phone so I don't miss him when he calls. If he calls...

Anyway I'll end this here, I'm sure you've read all you wish to. I miss you Frisco, take my advice and go for it with Morgan. She sounds like a female you! (That's just what we need!) ;) I want to see you happy so send me pictures! Morgan is right there, and she seems to be working her way into your heart from the way you talk. Say hey to Nicky and Finn and DB I'm sure I'll be back soon as the pull of the night shift is calling my name so count on me coming back to tease you real soon. Follow your heart Greggo. If it is telling you to be with this other girl no matter how far, then do it. If it has even a glimmer of doubt or impending regret then protect your heart. I can't tell you not to do it, that would be very hypocritical of me as I could not, nor would I ever leave Gil, but maybe if you don't let it start, it would be better. I know you'll be amazing whatever you do, you're just that fuckin' A.

I'll call soon, I promise take care of yourself and that heart of yours. You only get one, so don't be so quick to give it away. You've got time, just walk with caution and remember, it's never too late to go back, just follow your own footprints back out of the darkness. Think about it,

Love always,

Sara xx

Greg closed his eyes, the single tear that had been threatening to fall, dropped upon her name. He swallowed thickly, his heart breaking a little. After all this time she had finally admitted to him, and most likely herself, the truth. He felt guilty that he had lied a little, Lola was just a friend from England; but she needed to finally say it out loud. He wiped his eyes and put the letter into his bureau. He sniffled and whispered to an empty room; "Thank you, Sara."


End file.
